Took a hiatus from listening to music, and metal specifically, so as to open my mind back up to other types of music. But this whole last weekend and this whole week I have been listening (blasting, rather) to the metal. It's a great feeling of nostalgia and a bit home-sweet-home. The best part is that after having taken a fairly long break from regularly listening to it, I found a new appreciation for it, as well as appreciation and a likeness for new songs that I maybe didn't give a second chance or hadn't bothered to listen to.
I think there's a possibility I have an ulcer. Probably peptic. Got diagnosed by one of friends, although she used WebMD, so I'm not sure of the validity of the diagnosis. But, the pain I'm feeling fits more than half the symptoms and the typical causes are -- surprise, surprise -- my habits. Smoked for the first time after a month and a half off because I was drinking a lot this weekend. And now I decided I'm off both for the foreseeable future, until the stomach pains either go away or they get worse. I figured since a symptom of them is vomiting and I hate going to the doc's office and hospitals, I'm not going in to get it checked out until I show one of the severe symptoms, AKA- constant nausea and dizziness, vomiting blood, or a combination of the two. It doesn't seem that bad to me because I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but I'm starting to think (not worry) about it since it's been gradually getting more intense over the last 6 or 7 days. Oh well. It'll either go away, or it won't. Not much I can really do now...well, that I want to do. Anyways, that's enough about that.
Shit has hit the fan in more ways than one, but time has, for me, almost always been the best solution to a problem. This is no exception. I wouldn't be much of the man I said I would be and strive to be if I didn't take a step back right now, be patient and smart about it all, and not get ahead of myself.
"He must be a gentlemen...a man of honor and courage...a man of zeal, yet humble...an intelligent man...a man of truth...one who tempers action with wisdom."
The most important section of one of the most important things to me. I do my best to live by this. But I'm not perfect. Sometimes I lose myself in a situation. Sometimes I lose sight of what it all means. Sometimes, I am simply everything it is not. But I do my best. I don't believe I can hold myself to a higher standard than doing my best at what I'm aiming to do. I guess it's all about balance. The harmony of it all, gathered into yourself, to become a better man. That's the goal. That's what I aim for. I see it, but I don't believe I'm quite there yet. Won't be for a long time.
Well, that's enough philosophy for now. Considering this entry is being written directly after a philosophy essay was just written, it's both understandable and starting to get a little intolerable. Anyways, I bid thee all farewell.
~Nick
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